Nothing, Infinity and You

NYC - BJTB

thenothing 24 February, 2007 13:00 General Permalink Trackbacks (0)

This past week I was in New York City on business. Mind you, I am not foreign to NYC (as the locals call it), but I keep getting a wake up call every single time I visit the place. New Yorkers or "Yorkies", as the locals call themselves...wait...actually I was referring to dogs. Never mind. Anyway, New Yorkers (as I was saying), are eight million plus people with their proprietary mode of behaviour (notice how I used the British version of "behavior"; it's just so cool). You WILL NOT find that kind of behaviour (hehe) anywhere else.

Before I talk about their (here it comes) behaviour (gosh that's so cool!), I want to say that Apple made a KILLING on with their iPods there. Like, every other person has one! It's no longer cool to have an iPod, though I did notice that those with iPods have some sort of click that's internalized. In other words, "clicks" are when people with common elitest values hang out together and "talk shop" amongst themselves and don't let anybody else hang out with them unless they have "the profile". Well, in NYC the "profile" is person with iPod. The strange thing is they don't interact with one another, but they are demanding attention nontheless. Hmm. To support my claim, I sat next to a young man with a crew cut and thick glasses (just thinking about it creeps me out) in the LIRR train (Ooops! My bad. I thought *everybody* knew that LIRR stands for Long Island RailRoad <smug expression>) from Baldwin to Penn Station.

This guy, henceforth known as The Geek, had iPod earbuds with is the trademark of the iPod click. The alleged music player was in his pocket, which is also a tradmark of the iPod click unless you happen to have an iPod Shuffle in which case you HAVE to mimic the TV commercial and "wear" it. Apparently, he needed to change the music he was listening to. When he took out the device from his pocket, it was nothing but a retro CD player! What a poser! In desperation, he tucked it back into his coat pocket, but I cought wind of it (actually, that's another story which I'll get to in a moment). He caught me looking and he knew that I knew his secret. It's no use: geeks are not destined to be cool.

Without words, we stared at each other. My stare told him "I know your secret, geek poser!" His stare said to me "Talk and you die!" Then, silently, as he leaves the train, like a scene from a B-rated mobster movie, he points to himself with one finger, points to his bottle bottom clad eyes with two fingers and then points to me with one finger. Obviously I didn't take it seriously, because it's hard to look dangerous when you're a geek.

In another incident, also in the LIRR, I was on my way back to Baldwin. I was sitting opposite a sneaky looking man on the phone. He was slouched in his seat with his feet propped on the seat next to me. It was a tight fit for both of us, but there were no other seats available for me. In comes this slightly obese man. Actually, (tee hee) he was more obeser than me. He claimed the seat in front of me (the one next to sneaky) by plopping his magazine on it. Obviously, one can tell that he will no fit there, especially when I'm sitting in front of the seat he claimed. But this is NYC. He proceeds to take off his coat. In the process, he takes out numerous object and foods from his pockets; all to make *his* journey more comfortable. Once that ritual was over, he then plops himself on the seat, thereby crushing sneaky and hitting me on the knees. Apparently, this is a common occurance since sneaky just kept on talking on the phone and merely scooted the extra inch that he had left. Fatty, on the other hand, just said "sorry" [for crushing move]. He didn't bother apologizing to me.

Fatty proceeded to eat his soft pretzel and drink his Coke product, all which reading and breathing heavily (we fat people excel on breathing heavily; it's what we do). I thought it wouldn't get worse. He farted. Yes, I said farted. Not "break wind", not "flatulatory indulgence", not "dropping a cookie", farted (for more synonyms go to http://www.heptune.com/fartword.html). I was SO glad I was congested. Farticus didn't even bat an eye on the situation. He just kept on eating, drinking and breathing heavily.

There is more to say about this trip, but I think I will stop here for the moment. I will be going back to NYC next week. I'll keep you posted.

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Nothing, Infinity and You

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NYC - BJTB

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